i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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