Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
