I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
