break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
