i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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