PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
