I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i now understand why vodka
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
