six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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