I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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