All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
