thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
