i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
