Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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