if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
