So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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