im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
