if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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