Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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