Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
