the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
