I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
