Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
