your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
