You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
