"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize