please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
