Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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