mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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