so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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