Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
