I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Randomize
