who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
