I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
