You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
