hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize