i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
