We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
