i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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