I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
