can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
birth control should be required to get into college
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
