What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize