Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dicks are not precious.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
