Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
