I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
