Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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