I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
