I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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