So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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