i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
