i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
