I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Couch. On fire.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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