The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
