Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
