I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
