They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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