covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
