he told me I talked like a deaf person
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
