yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
