My sheets look like a crime scene.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
