The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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