i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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