Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize