He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
