Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
