hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
