I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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