So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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