Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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