I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
