Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
